Licorice. It’s a controversial candy. Some celebrate it and others can’t stand it. As any child will tell you, candy is good, but what about when it just isn’t? Realistically, just because a food is sweet doesn’t make it palatable. Especially if the flavor of said candy is of questionable taste at best.
Like licorice, there are other sweets out there that serve up a mouthful of, ‘what-the-hell-have-I-eaten?’ These are their stories.
Candy is synonymous with dental work, which is why taffy is on this list. Flavor-wise, it gets a pass. However, any candy that sticks to your teeth so well it can pull out a filling is an abomination from God. Screw salt water taffy.
If you ever wanted to eat a “candy” that also tastes like a cinnamon breath mint, there are Red Hots. To be honest, the only thing they are good for is pelting at attractive people.
Ring Pops make ’90s kids nostalgic for flavorless hard candy. However, if we’re being honest, they’re just a magnet for dirt and grime. How did our parents allow us to eat wearable candy knowing that we were basically Pig Pen? Baffling.
When they asked us how many licks it took to get to the center of the Toosie Pop, it was all a con. It didn’t matter how many licks. Tootsie Rolls are gross and wrapping it in hard candy didn’t make it a prize.
These candies are total trash. They’re sugar-flavored communion wavers that come in a variety of horrifying flavors including: chocolate, licorice, cinnamon, lemon, lime, orange, wintergreen, and clove. Anyone who sincerely likes these is a damn serial killer.
Foe the most part, jelly beans are kind of great. But that’s only if you eat them one at a time and avoid all the weird flavors. Unfortunately, jelly beans are pretty much a choose-your-own-adventure where you may end up eating something delicious like pear or something God-awful like root beer. If you’re going to waste calories on candy, don’t do it with these.
Gummy bears taste fine if you can get over the fact that they’re made from gelatin. What’s gelatin, you ask? Well, when animal skin, tendons, ligaments, and bones are boiled in water, gelatin is extracted. Now try and enjoy anything gummy ever again.
Dum Dums are tiny lollipops that come in a variety of flavors that no one wants. They’re what you hand out to small children to shut them up and not anything a sophisticated adult enjoys.
They’re called jawbreakers, yet we still made them a thing. First of all, there’s no right way to eat them without looking like an idiot. Secondly, it takes forever to finish them. To accomplish this, you end up carrying a sticky ball of sugar around, eventually eating the lint and filth that gets stuck on it, kind of like the Ring Pop.
Look, the real reason licorice is unpalatable to so many people is actually science. Like the dreaded cilantro, hating licorice is about your genetic code. So really the determining factor in the question of licorice’s “goodness” is actually a toss-up based on who banged who to make you who you are.
So what’s the verdict? Is licorice a gross abomination or a tasty treat? What about the other candies on the list? Tell us where you stand on candy in the comments!
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